12:20 am

I just reach home not long ago. I’m very happy tonite.

I forgot what happened in the last few days. I’ll need to write my fresh and happy moments today.

Thinking back the last few days until last nite, I was unhappy. Tonite is a totally different feeling for me.

I was still unhappy last nite although I’m soft-hearted when Boy call to ask me out. I did go out. He went to Good Luck Restaurant in Damai to have dinner. We didn’t talk much in the car. Both of pretended nothing happened. Just let what is past to be past. I’m still hurt and unhappy but I kept quiet and try very hard to control myself not to show it. I don’t want to spoil both of our mood.

We went to watch CW. Boy chose to eat there cos he had business to deal with the Boss of the Restaurant. Boy finished his dinner. He had a discussion with his clients. TSV reached and joined us for a drink. It’s getting late. I’m tired. Boy told me he was going for a discussion with his clients at Sembulan. I don’t know what else to say. I just can smile and nod to agree. He left.

CW, TSV and me chit-chat for a while. I’m sleepy. All of us decided to go home. Tomorrow is still a working day for us. Suddenly Miss W called CW. Their conversation was weird and funny. We made fun of him when he hang up the phone. TSV and me were teasing him. In the end, he had to continue the game with us. He took up the courage to call Miss W. We all head to Chempaka Square to pick her. We went to Gold Dragon Restaurant in Beverly Hills to have a drink. We laugh and chit-chat happily. Dad called me. We all decided to go home. It’s really late already.

When I reached home, I was curious. I didn’t get any call or sms from Boy. I sms him. I waited a while. He called me back. He just reached home. We chit-chat for a while. His business is not so smooth. I don’t know what else to say. I can’t find the words to comfort him. I’m hurt myself. Both of us hang up the phone and went to sleep.

Friday is always the BEST day of the week! I wake up in the morning feeling much better.

TSK called…12:45am.

I just finished talking on the phone. It’s 1:40am now. We had a long chit-chat. Nothing special. We just talked about the Fun Fair just now and updates of both of our Companies.

I reached office 5 minutes late this morning. Everyone seems to be busy but relaxed cos it’s Friday! Carol Ku and Eveline rushed Progress Billing. Bibi and Felicia rushed on arrangements of Models coming for audition today. I heard it’s for the launching of Service Suites. As usual, I’ll do the usual daily routine…sit down…switch on the computer…open Main Report and Weekly Report…I was just about to check my e-mail when Ling Ling asked me to update the Loan Report for her…

I was busy the whole morning. Once in a while I would think of MSN. Think twice, I’d better not login. Those new staffs will think I’m always online chatting, but Managers don’t sound me. This would make things worse. I checked my e-mail. Lisa Poi and Caroline Tsen e-mail me. I’m happy to receive their e-mail. It’s been few years we haven’t keep in touch with each other. Life has changed. There’re so many happy and unhappy memories of our past. We’re different people now. Thinking back of our past…clubbing…shopping…chit-chatting…gossiping…all are memories now…

Carol Ku, Tina and me went to Sugar Bun for lunch. Carol Ku was so pissed off with Bibi. Bibi was not co-operative. Carol Ku had to do most of her work. Carol Ku and Tina planned to go Fun Fair. After lunch, I continued with the Progress Billing. We’ve to deliver the billings by 3:00pm. I finished my work. I check my e-mail and friendster. The whole day I would think of Boy. I was wandering when my HP would vibrate. I hope to receive a call or sms from him.

Unfortunately, there’s none. I called Dad. It’s 6:00pm already. I need to go home to prepare myself for Fun Fair tonite. On the way home, I was thinking of Boy again. I knew I miss him, but he doesn’t give me any reaction. I feel I’m more and more hopeless. My mind started to be blur again. Loads of happy and unhappy memories popped up in my mind. I’m unhappy again. I don’t know how long do I need to control myself to suit him. I’m very different already after I’m being with him. I appreciate this relationship of ours. I could sacrifice my entertainment for him…even my career…if possible…

I reached home. I called Boy. We chit-chat for a while. He’s going to attend classmate’s dinner. I wanted to meet him as I’ll be working tomorrow. He told me he wouldn’t be so early. I tried to put on my best mood to talk to him. Actually I’m very tired and unhappy. I can’t tell him all these. The only reaction he’ll give me is I’m Childish! I’m not understanding and caring enough. I really need someone to care for me more. I know he’s very concentrated in his job…BUT…I’m important too…I’m not selfish…I just a little more care. I can even sacrifice to protect him TOTALLY from my family and friends. I never mentioned a single bad point about him to a SINGLE soul. I always protect him. I always tried my best to cover up for him. He’s now No 1 Good Guy in the eye of my family and friends…but I’m suffering and unhappy…I just hope he realized all these and tried to appreciate and loves me more…

Tears streaming down…I had to control and faced it all by myself…I really appreciate this relationship…

I could never solve this problem. Whenever we started to talk about this topic, it always ended up I’m wrong. He wants me to know he also sacrifice a lot for me but he never nag or regret doing it. He never likes to go clubbing or night entertainment. If I’m angry or unhappy, he thinks it’s a waste of time and energy to make me happy again. He’ll just give me time to cool down and act nothing happen after some time. He never would find ANY ways to make me happy. He wants to fully concentrate on his career and me to fully support him. There’re many more things that he wants me to change for him WILLINGLY.

I knew I could do it. I continue to force myself to suit him. I don’t want to disappoint him. I’m hurt and unhappy most of the time but I had to control hard to make myself happy and show everyone else I’m happy especially to Boy. Everyone thought I’m the happiest girl to be with such a good guy. Boy IS a good guy. There’s always good and bad point in a person. I do have bad point too. Boy can tolerate me. I always remind myself this one and only reason to continue this relationship until today.

I shower and get changed. Miss T reached my house with Miss CK and TSK. We happily went to the Fun Fair. We planned to fully enjoy ourselves in the Fun Fair. Miss T, Miss CK and TSK go through bad luck lately. Miss T lost her I.C. Miss CK lost her whole bag with few hundreds worth of contents. TSK lost RM700 cos his customers stole his reload coupons. We had fun in Fun Fair. We went to the most exciting game, Air Force One. Beverly, Gordon, Michelle and friends joined us there too. We played a few games. It’s getting late. We haven’t had dinner yet. Miss CK won herself a soft toy. We took photographs.

We decided to head to Upperstar for dinner. We were very happy, tired, hungry and exhausted. We reached Upperstar. We ordered our food and drinks. Boy called me. He told me he finished dinner. He’s alone. He just reached the Fun Fair. I was surprised. I asked him to join us for dinner.

Miss T, Miss CK, TSK and me were chit-chatting happily and taking photographs while waiting for our dinner. Boy reached. All of us were quiet. I greeted him happily. I don’t want to spoil all our moods. The environment started to be different. I tried not to talk and make the environment better. Slowly the environment is getting better. Still…the environment is just weird.

Miss ST called me. I was surprised. I thought she was there too. We talked for a while on the phone. She’s having a drink with her friends at Waterfront. She read my blog. She called to see how I am doing. I’m very happy to get her call. She does really understand how I feel. I feel more relaxed after talking to her. I continue with my dinner. Boy shows he’s caring and loving to me at dinner.

We finished dinner. All of us decided to go home. Everyone is working tomorrow. On the way home, I don’t know what reaction to give Boy. We just talked about what we did for the day. It’s weird. He’s back to the way he don’t care for me already. I’m happy for the way he treat me in front of my friends. I guess that’s him. I’ve to be satisfied. I pretended nothing happen. He told me he’s very tired and sleepy. He sent me home.

I reached my room. I clean up myself. Boy called me. We chit-chat for a while. I sms Miss T and Miss CK. I continue writing my blog…2:45am.