11:30 am

I’m working in office now. I finish my work so I decided to write my blog.

I’m not in the mood these few days. I keep controlling myself not to show it on my face but I guess I’m not successful. I’m moody after New Year cos my period starts on the first day of the New Year.

I’m trying hard to change my bad attitude to be more friendly and happy. I failed *sigh*

When I wake up yesterday morning, I was feeling fresh but my mood is no where to be found. I shower and get changed. I was 10 minutes late to work. I was sleepy and tired. Tina happily told me that she and Carol Ku bought clothes from Berries Boutique but still owing Sharon Tse. Suddenly my mind was blank and a kind of unhappy weird feeling crossed my mind. I smiled and kept quiet. Quickly trying to shake off the feeling. I continued with my work.

I didn’t login MSN but I found myself online surfing the internet the whole day from 8:40am to 5:15pm. I didn’t do any work at all. I didn’t smile much. I forced myself to cheer up. Carol Ku went to Bank during lunch hour. I had an appointment with Miss Yang of Standard & Chartered Bank to discuss on my home loan. We had lunch in Cactus Café. She’s a nice and friendly girl. Tina had lunch in office.

After lunch, I continued online surfing the internet. Carol Ku sms me to check if I was angry with her cos of her late payment. Of course I’m not! I just reply her a simple sms. TSK sms me too. I understand they’re worried about me, but I just couldn’t find back my mood. I gave him a simple sms too. Time past. I decided to go home early. I called Dad and left office at 5:30pm.

On the way home, I was thinking of Boy. He didn’t sms me for two days already. I know he’s busy. I’ve to be an understanding gf. I was unhappy. No matter how busy a person is. Just a short simple sms will take less than a minute. My mood went down more. I called him before my Dad reach to see if he wants me to accompany him for dinner. He told me he’ll have dinner at home.

When I reach home, I just sms him. TSK and Tina called me. I was in the shower. I replied them with sms. I went down for dinner. TSK called me. We chit-chat for a while. He’s still working. I sms Boy. I was very tired. Resting on the sofa and watching TV.

HP rings. Boy called.
Boy : What are U doing there? I just finish dinner.
Girl : I’m watching TV. Did U received my sms just now?
Boy : Ya. Oh Ya! I forgot to tell U my parents went back to Kudat this afternoon. My friend call me out for a drink later at 9:30pm. Do U wana join?
Girl : mm (not-in-the-mood tone)
Boy : Why U?
Girl : I’m ok…
Boy : Why U sound like that?
Girl : Nothing. I’m ok. I need to pass the documents to U.
Boy : Do U wana go out or not?
Girl : erm…
Boy : Why U? Why U sound like that? (angry tone)
Girl : Nothing. I’m ok.
Boy : I’m busy & tired today, so I didn’t call U. U don’t need to sound like that. (angry tone)
Girl : I’m ok wor…Nothing!
Boy : So, U wana go out or not? (angry tone)
Girl : What time? (feeling very hurt)
Boy : I’ll go pick U now.
Girl : mm (feeling very hurt)

Feeling shocked. Blank for a few minutes. This is the FIRST time he scold me in angry tone. I thought to myself. I’m not in the mood but I’m not angry. I guess I’m not understanding enough. I walk upstairs to my room. Lying down in bed.

I called Boy.

Girl : U left house already?
Boy : Just about to. In the car now. Why? U don’t wana go out, is it?
Girl : Nothing. I’ll changed now.

Boy reached my house. I went in the car. I brought along some documents. I didn’t looked at him. We went for a drink at Berries Cafe at Lintas. In the car, I kept quiet and just talk to him about the documents. Christina called me. She’s there with her sister. We reached Lintas. He parked the car. I talked to him about the documents. Nothing else.

We went to sit with Christina. I’m trying very hard to show a happy face and control my mood. I talked to Christina. Boy get to know Catherine and talked with her. Christina was tired. She’s going home. Boy’s friend reached. I don’t know how to re-act. I’m still blur. Luckily Sharon came to chit-chat with me. She brought me in to the Boutique. I happily tried on new clothes for about an hour. I’m forcing myself to distract the moody feeling away. I’m happy. I bought RM115 of clothes. I’ll only take it next few days. I don’t have enough cash.

Boy came to look for me. He brought me out. He asked me whether I need him to pay first. I rejected and told him it’s ok. We went out and continue their drinks. Boy asked me to help him buy a gift for his Brother’s Birthday on 15 Jan 2006. Boy’s friend introduced us on a Beauty Course from 17 Feb to 19 Feb worth RM399. It’s a very interesting course. I didn’t join. I don’t have so much cash. His friend keeps convincing him to pay for me. He keeps avoiding their question. I understand too. It’s not a small amount.

It’s getting late. We all decided to go home. On the way home, both of us were quiet.

When I reached home, his turn to show me moody and tired face. He quickly asked me to go home. I was feeling hurt.

Boy reached home. He called me. He chit-chat with a moody tone. He asked me to go to sleep. He don’t want to talk to me. I was feeling very hurt already. He just don’t understand me. I call him back.

Girl : Why U don’t care about me anymore?
Boy : I’m very tired. I don’t wana care about U anymore.
Girl : Why? (tears streaming down my face)
Boy : I don’t have the energy and the mood to care about U anymore. Let’s talk tomorrow. Go to sleep.
Girl : Why?
Boy : It’s your own fault. U treat me like that just now. I’m tired. I’ve a lot of problems to think. I don’t have so much time & energy to care for U anymore.
Girl : ………. (silence)
Boy : Go to sleep first. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I’m very tired already.

I can’t control the tears already. It’s streaming down. I cried until I’m very tired. I check my HP. There’s missed call and sms from TSK. I just replied a short simple sms. He called. We chit-chat for a while. I was too tired after crying. I fell asleep before I hang up the call.