Thank you so so so much for the advice and support in sms and email. I feel so much better after receiving the replies. I think I don’t have much of my closest friends here in KK. Whenever I am so down or unhappy I don’t have people to share with me. The closest friends I used to have are either already married with children or very far away in Australia, which I’m not so convenient to share much with her too. Unlike few years ago where I can enjoy and spend more time with those closer friends.
Last week I went through a terrible time. I think it’s because both families have different point of view in weddings and MOST important part is that we don’t have the money. It doesn’t turn out to be what I think or plan because when he first propose to me, it’s still way TOO early and we thought that long period of time we could save even more for a wonderful happy wedding. As times goes by, we tend to use up our money somehow somewhere. I remember I spend partially during the Taiwan trip but that doesn’t affect us at all. Thinking back the one that affect us the most are the two friends that he employed for his business and the shop unit that we purchased not long ago. Sigh~
I still remember last year when he proposed, we went to open a joint savings account and we managed to save roughly about 4k within 6 months if I’m not wrong. That time we still afford to save and spend on daily living expenses even when I’m not working. When his two friends started to join the company right after we’re back from Taiwan then the money starts to decrease slowly. At first we didn’t notice until almost middle of the year and he can’t sustain anymore. He discussed with me and asked if I could go look for a job to cover my expenses for the time being. I agreed as well since I know we need to save more in order to have a better wedding. We even have a budget lists and state down the whole wedding expenses. At that time, we’re still able to afford at least a minimum wedding dinner to be at Shangrila Tanjung Aru. I was happy even I had to sacrifice my pre-wedding photography to be taken in KK.
I then started to work in June at Suria Sabah. As months past, he started to find that no matter how he worked, he can’t see the profits from his business. No matter I cover my own expenses or not, he still finds that his monthly income is insufficient. We didn’t realized it then so we thought we spend more on eating out or buying unnecessary things. Until November, he finally calculated our budget for the wedding and find that we really cannot cover already if we need to hold the dinner at Shangrila Tanjung Aru. Some more his sis and mum are EVILS! They are always brain washing him and sucking his money like vampire sucking blood. *sweat* I was so so so damn pissed off the day when we went to paid the deposit at Promenade Hotel. The afternoon when I’m back home, I straightaway went to delete the mywedding.com account that I have created for us. I was really really down. I feel my whole heart and soul goes down the drain. I never felt so bad ever~ I can sacrifice everything but I really can’t accept it when we had to change the venue. *sob* He convince and comfort me that time saying that there’s a huge difference in the amount for the two venues. I was mad for quite sometime. He had to promise me that he will bring me to a better honeymoon, minimum limit will be going to Korea.
I still couldn’t get over it then but I tried to think positive. It really IS a huge difference for the total price in the two different venues. I slowly pray and tried to focus more on other things. I took few months to really put everything down. That time I was working. I focus more of my time at work and spending happy hour times with my colleagues *winks* My days and months past through lotsa lotsa ups and downs. I was always the one giving in to lotsa small or big details, just hoping that our wedding will be a simple, happy and peaceful one. I really didn’t put hope in it at all right after November last year.
BUT I never ever think that until today, things have turned out to be that worst. I know he’s the kind of ego person. When I knew him for the first day, I already knew that he is a very egoistic and stubborn thinking guy. So far, back then I know he really love me…he really does and he gives me the kind of secure feeling where he won’t be unfaithful to me. That is why when he proposed, I accepted. He is still faithful to me so far till now. He still let me know where he goes and what he do everytime. He still worries if I were to drive out alone or going somewhere alone to do some errands. During this few weeks, our attitude and behavior kinda changed. I have been much much more moody. He have been not so understanding and caring. I have this insecure feeling. I’m very very worried that I have made the wrong choice…made the wrong decision and after marriage he will be unfaithful to me. Like those Chinese sayings “Before marriage he treats you like treasure, After marriage he treats you like grass”. I really think over and over again myself during the past few weeks. He is good and understanding whenever his family people are not around. He never makes me angry or unhappy whenever his families are not around to comment or anything. He lets me decides everything I like. Once his family is around to discuss or share something or just simple family conversation, it really got me on nerves. Every single time also makes me angry, moody or unhappy. I really cannot stand his mum and sis. He always have no says when the both of them talked...I always get mad and lose control when facing those two idiots! Those two are the ones that makes our relationship gets worse and worse recently~!
Some more my parents are not those “open” type of person where I can change my decision last minute now. When I just informed my parents that I’m getting married and the few months nearer to his sis’s wedding, I also faced lotsa lotsa problems with his family and I only talk about it to my parents. They did asked me to think properly and the best solutions for me is to stay with them right after my marriage. I didn’t feel so worst that time since he still didn’t change much, it’s only his family members that are giving me all those hassle and problems.
Until the most recent case which makes me feel terrible are the meeting up and discussion of marriage details between my two aunts, my father and his parents. That is when our relationship gets worse and worse. =( I thought we could use the trip to KL which is supposed to be today to build up our relationship and at least clear our mind from all those unhappiness BUT his mum is again giving us lotsa lotsa problems on the little details of our wedding at this last minute time. She strongly INSISTED for 45 tables + my 10 tables + her son’s 5 tables. She even wanted to extend till 50 tables. She still makes noise and complaining everyday that she still got more people she didn’t manage to invite and always asked if we have any unconfirmed guests which we can cancel and give her the seats. DAMN!!! I’m not pissed off with her too many invitations…BUT…I’m so damn angry with her attitude! We already told her we don’t have so much money, that’s why we change from Shangrila Tanjung Aru to Promenade!!! She said her husband will pay for the groom’s side. Now that his father came and discuss with us personally saying that he has insufficient money because the project that he does has not release payment to him yet. So we went to ask her to cancel some tables which is not really so necessary because we have insufficient money. She said her husband never told her he had insufficient money, she said her husband told her to go ahead only, no problem on money side. *big sweat* and so she don’t care, she won’t cancel any!!!
Indirectly saying the whole dinner is actually paid by US and we don’t have a say in anything!!! Previously when we paid down payment for the shop unit, his father told us that he pay for us as a gift for our wedding. Last month he asked us to pay him back and he will gift us other things. Then he said he will buy us a mattress. So the money we are supposed to save for our honeymoon had to be paid back to his father. After paying back, now he said he still has insufficient money because of the late payment from the project and we had to come out with another amount of money. Now that after the meeting up and discussion with my aunts regarding the “Gor Dai Lai” process, his mum make a big fuss and mentioned that our family are superstitious and she have never done this for her eldest son and her daughter! So what?!?! She never does…doesn’t mean she cannot do it now! “Gor Dai Lai” is a very very simple and basic traditions to be done and its suppose to be a happy process. She make a big fuss and show a sour face right after the discussion and the days till now. She keeps emphasize that this is not necessary and a waste of money. Excuse Me!!! The whole process costs less than RM300…what does she expect?!?! During the discussion, my aunt talks about our family and she found out that my aunt’s best friend is her classmate before. I heard from my aunt that she is very afraid of that classmate of hers because whenever she does anything not right, that classmate will make her lose face as that person has a high reputation. My aunt told her that nowadays “Ping Jing” is kinda high as things nowadays have increased in prices compared to few years ago. My cousin just got married December last year, and my aunt told her that her son-in-law gave RM8888 and it’s consider an ok amount. Her face was sour and now whenever we talk about money, she will said our family asks for too high amount, we’re those money-minded people! DAMN!!! The day before “Gor Dai Lai” she asked her son to come and request me and my parents not to inform my aunt about the “Ping Jing” amount as what is given to me is less than her eldest son and her daughter ones. She said very loudly to my aunt that she will give minimum of 5k but now only 1888 is given to me! Her reason is that she don’t want to lose face! The afternoon my parents got the money, that evening it was returned to her son. My parents already mentioned in the first place that they are not selling their daughters, they hope I will be treated good in their family and also both of us younger ones to be happy forever.
Until today, she still make a fuss over lotsa lotsa small details in our wedding. The whole wedding as if belongs to her and not to us!!! Not only she wants us to pay this pay that, she even already confirmed the lunch menu for RM1700…and she said she will only paid RM600 as the rest will be bear by us!!! WTH!!! Can she at least discussed with us first?!?! There’s so much more things that she confirmed without our acknowledgement and asked us to pay!
As for the loan, I so so so so regretted I told him about it. Do you know how he convinced me into giving him the money? I guess this is all under his plans. When I told him about the loan, he was surprised at first and when I explained to him that it’s just my luck and GOD gave me a savior and answered my prayers. He then has no questions about it. He doesn’t seem to mind about it at all. I thought he was so open-minded and generous. I never ever think that today more than half of my money goes to him. *big big sweat* At first he asked me not to put the whole amount I loan to settle my debts as I might have difficulty to re-pay since I’m not working and I still need to use for daily living expenses. He asked me to put 10k into his business and he helps me to earn profits within 1 year so I could re-pay back the total amount as soon as possible. He explained to me that every month he could help me earn around 1k so within 24 months I could re-pay back a more than half the amount already. I trusted him. I’m left with 23k. I thought I could settle all my debts with the balance I have. Few days after that, we need to make payment for our bedroom furniture in order for them to deliver. He told me his money is stuck at the stocks on hand. He needs to loan from me first. I paid 4k for the furnitures. At first he said he would paid partially for the bride’s tables since the “Ping Jing” is so little. And out of the blue, he have to paid for his groom’s side because his father has insufficient amount and the lunch that his idiot mum ordered! I had to pay back my own balance of 5.5k. I’m left with 13.5k. I paid back the debts I owe my mum of 6k. I’m left with 6k to cover my personal debts. The ones I settled previously have been gone to him. I’m left with 1.5k cash on hand. He still wants me to pay for my make-up artists, wedding cake and other smaller things that need to be purchased. Not to mention my own bag, dress, personal items etc etc etc…I was thinking if i didn't tell him...everything will also turn out the same and I think he will be able to come out with the money...His family has so many people whereas compared to mine only three of us...I'm sure they are able to sort out the financial problems lor hor...? Sigh~
For a single moment, I even thought he already had an agreement with his parents not to come out with so much money because I have a big amount of loan. I really couldn’t stand it anymore. I voice out to him and said I’m not the kind of girl who spends a lot of wasting a lot of money. I have already saved to my maximum just to cover for my wedding. My tables in the wedding have been cut to 9 tables already now. The dinner menu have been cut to RM700 per table. His mum already agreed to give us 2 tables…means I’ll be paying for 7 tables! I don’t have any “Ping Jing”…he doesn’t pay for bride’s table. All those small details his mum confirmed are paid by us. I’m only left with 1.5k to spend and I still need to use it for my own spendings. I still need money to enjoy with my friends before my wedding. I hope the whole plan isn’t what I think it is. I just hopes he didn’t do anything like that. I hope he is sincerely poor because of his idiot mum & sis giving millions of comments and suggestions! Those he owe me, he promised to pay me back after the wedding and I hope its true~ I just pray he won’t give me excuses again! I was so mad and moody because indirectly I’m paying a huge amount for the whole process and I don’t have a chance to arrange something I like! After voicing out to him, yesterday he told me he will tried to give me back 2k to buy my stuffs and whatever I need to use it for. I really hope everything’s not what I think it is. He’s a holy Christian. His family is a holy Christian. I have to trust him for now. I did inform my aunts on the updates and happenings. They advise me to be humble and since his mum is not too over the limit, they ask me to try to tahan her. This is also better for my future life in his family. If anything that she's gone over the limits, they will find ways to negotiate with her. Only one thing I can feel is that his mum is really afraid of my aunts. She bullies me & my parents because my father is not educated and my mum's health condition is so unhealthy. She bullies my parents till the maximum! I just so hate his mum and sis so so so much!!! I seldom showed in my expression but I can feel he knows. I have indirectly voice out to him few times, he kinda got my signal~
After this super extreme long email, you might think I’m over too soft kind of person to trust him easily hor…? Sigh~ I’m this kind of person. Some more now I have been converted to be Christian and I have to put faith in my prayer and GOD. I’m not sure if I will have a happy life with him in future. But I’m just a simple girl who just hopes he will be faithful to me for the rest of his life. I don’t mind he’s poor or he’s ego and stubborn, I only hope and wish he is faithful and honest to me~ I get to know and meet lotsa other guys. Most of them will tend to be unfaithful after sometime in relationship. Most of them like me for my looks, not for my personality. I’m not always in my best attitude and behavior but all the while till now he still will like me for my personality. The only thing I’m aiming for after marriage is my CAREER~!!! I won’t put so much hope in family. I so so so wish to be a “siu lai lai” BUT I know this wouldn’t ever happen especially in a family like his…so I rather spend my whole effort and time on my career. My motivation in life now is to earn money…buy my own house…and travelling~!!! I so love to have my own home and my freedom to travel ^^ Even if one day *touch wood* he’s unfaithful to me, he needs to think twice…when I have my own career and my own money…I’m not scared anymore…I can have the ability to even bring up my own children lor hor…?
I have no idea what to do after marriage but I’m praying hard everyday now…hoping GOD will give me guidance and show me my career path. =) I really love travelling so much!!! Who doesn’t hor…? hehehe I wouldn’t cause trouble with his families and I wouldn’t respect his mum and sis in future…not anymore~!!! I won’t purposely give her a hard time but I definitely won’t let her give me a hard time. I always have my parents for the moment now…I have to earn more money as soon as possible to give my parents a good life~ I won’t give her a damn…if I have children…besides my parents…I will have another motivation to bring up my children well mannered…I think this is how I survived throughout my whole process of wedding preparations lor… =) I’m always trying my best to be positive but sometimes I’m too down and too moody…I still do breakdown de… hahaha I really need lotsa lotsa support~! I hope to faster settle the loan and save money for travelling…hope I have the chance before I get pregnant ^^
I’m so so so looking forward to the two weeks before my wedding. I hope to spend my happiest time in my life during the one or two weeks before my wedding. Hope GOD will grant me this wish~ ^^ I don’t want him or his family to affect anymore of my last singlehood weeks…I’ve sacrifice enough for the past 18 months lor…
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment