Thinking back...

27 June 2007 9:30pm

I just finished watching Astro Channel 30 Chinese series “Trimming Success”. I make myself a hot Nescafe and come up to my bedroom. I switched on my notebook and my Winamp listening to some slow nice songs. I have not been happy recently. I feel different. As day goes by, I feel I’m more and more unhappy in my life. I don’t know what is the real reason. I always know how to comfort my friends or anyone who talks to me about their problems. I told them to think positively, enjoy simple life and most important be happy always. I can’t do it myself.

I’m 26 years old now. I’m Store Manager for Charles & Keith, international brand name worldwide. I think with this age to achieve this could be considered a successful lady. I should be happy about it. Actually I Am! I’m not the kind of businesswoman person. I’ve always a simple and happy family life. I’ve waited so many years for this dream to come true…I’ve been waiting since the age of 17…I’ve to keep on waiting patiently…I’m mentally tired…I’m not so happy to be successful in my career…Now…I’m starting to lose faith in relationship and family life… *feeling hurt…tears rolling down my eyes* People will think I’m so keen to marry because I worry no one will want me…BUT to me…I just feel a happy family means a lot to me…I will face problems in family life too…I’m willing to face it…solve it…this will means the same as people who are willing to sacrifice anything for their career…or financial…I just know that everyone has their own priorities in life…Every One has their own different thinking for life…

I have this sour feeling now when I think of relationship. I don’t want to think like that but it just keeps appearing in my mind when I’m free to relax my mind after finishing work. Trust Me! It really hurts. It’ll make someone lose faith and feeling in relationship…

Thinking back…I’ve tried to talk so many times…until I can’t even count how many times have I talk about it…I really hope to marry and have my own family…I’m disappointed ALL the times…NOW…I not only don’t want to mention or talk about it…I don’t even want to think about it…I’m getting more and more unhappy and disappointed when I continue to think of something that I know wouldn’t happened in my life so soon…I’m slowly trying to give up now…I know I can’t do it right away but I’ll try my best… *feeling even more hurt…tears streaming down my face*

I’m very happy for friends or relatives when I see them getting married…especially my close friends. I know finally another couple is starting another new chapter of their life…weather it is happy ending OR sad ending to a family…definitely we’ll have to appreciate it…it is FATE who brings two persons together…now any two persons can be destined to be together in a life…
I’ll only appreciate and treasure the relationship now…I’ll try my very best to avoid thinking so far ahead…I know it wouldn’t happened to me so soon…